About to Break
by Cassandra Mulder
Summary: She told herself she wouldn’t cry as she got in the car and headed east out of Metropolis. Supernatural Crossover


**Title:** About to Break  
**Author: **Cassandra Mulder**  
Rating:** PG-13  
**Classification: **_Smallville/Supernatural _crossover; Chloe/Dean; angst  
**Disclaimer:** Sadly, they don't belong to me. It's all AlMiles and Kripke's. Don't sue, it'll be a waste of time.  
**Spoilers:** Not one.  
**Challenge:** melodicmuse  
**Prompt:** Nothing Left to Lose by Mat Kearney  
**Written:** March 5 - 9, 2007  
**Word Count:** 4586  
**Summary:** She told herself she wouldn't cry as she got in the car and headed east out of Metropolis.  
**A/N:** I just finished this, and the song started playing on my music station. Bizarre. The odd thing about this story altogether is that I started writing it before I paid much attention to song lyrics. When I chose this song and went back to look at the lyrics, the verse I've chosen to put here fit the theme and wording of the first part of my story in a ridiculous fashion. I don't know this song by heart, so it was a major coincidence or synergy, or something. But I figure it was fated, given these things. This is longer than my usual pieces, amazingly. It went on and on... I hope it turned out well, though. Remember, if you enjoy it, feedback is love.

* * *

_So I packed my car and I headed east  
Where I felt your fire and a sweet release  
There's a fire in these hills that's coming down  
And I don' know much but I found you here  
And I cannot wait another year  
Don' know where you're coming from but you're coming soon _  
**Nothing Left to Lose - Mat Kearney**

She told herself she wouldn't cry as she got in the car and headed east out of Metropolis. There was nothing left to do there, and nothing she could change. The man she had wanted all of her young life wasn't able to commit to anything beyond friendship. She realized that she had to go in a different direction if she didn't want a lifetime of regrets in her rearview mirror.

She had told Clark that she would never stop being his friend, and if he ever needed her he would know where to find her. But she needed time and space that he simply wouldn't afford her if she was close, and they both knew it.

A job offer in Gotham City had come along at just the right time, and she had accepted it. She felt sick at giving up her dream of the Planet at first, but she soon realized how under appreciated she was there.

Lois had started scooping her at the Inquisitor after sneakily obtaining information from her through what had seemed like innocent, casual conversations. Her actions had resulted in a knock down, drag out fight from which she doubted their relationship would ever recover. Lois had known how important her career and her position was at that paper, and she had disregarded everything to get ahead.

Chloe wouldn't say it had gotten Lois ahead - she was still working for a trashy tabloid, after all - but it had damaged her credibility with Kahn. She left no room for betrayals beyond one's control, and even though she had only reprimanded Chloe, things weren't the same after that.

She was tired of being looked at like a traitor, so she had given Kahn a piece of her mind regarding the kind of person and reporter she truly was, handed in her resignation, and never looked back. It wouldn't be easy, but she was willing to start over in an unfamiliar place to show everyone what she was made of. She couldn't be in the shadow of the people with whom she had grown up anymore. That wasn't any way to be taken seriously, apparently.

Three hours out of Kansas, she wasn't so sure about her decision anymore. She had never felt so alone in the world, and she knew all she would have to do is call out to Clark and he would hear her. But that would be weak, and whether or not it was the truth, vulnerability was one thing she didn't need to show him anymore. He had taken advantage of it too many times in the past.

Her cell phone rang as she was pulling up to a diner in southern Illinois to grab a bite and stretch her legs. She glanced at the caller ID, and answered it with surprise.

"Hello?" she said, a little thrill of anticipation running up her spine.

"Chloe, it's Dean." His tone was friendly, but he only ever called her when something needed investigating. _Sounds familiar_, she thought.

"Hey, Dean," she said with a frown, though she wasn't displeased at hearing his deep voice on the other end of the line. "What's up?"

"Nothin' much. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I -" she paused in confusion. "I'm doing all right, I guess," she said finally.

"You were a better actress on the last case we worked," he said.

She sighed. "Yeah, well, it's been a rough couple of months."

"I just hadn't seen anything by you in the DP lately, so I wanted to make sure you're okay."

She was touched at his concern, though she really never thought about him noticing her absence. Dean had found her about a year before through the articles she had written for the Torch, and she had helped him out on several of his supernatural cases. He had told her that she was one of the few girls with whom he could be honest and not get committed. She had developed a crush on him, which she figured was a common affliction among the female population, but their relationship had always been strictly professional.

"I don't work for the DP anymore," she said.

There was a pause. "Whoa, when did that happen?"

"Yesterday morning," she said, climbing out of her car and leaning against the door.

"Chloe, that paper is your life."

"Was my life," she said.

"What happened?" he said, his voice lowering a bit like it always did when he was concerned about something.

"It's a long story, Dean. I've been driving forever, I have to drive many more miles, and I just… I don't really feel like talking about it."

"You're not in Kansas anymore?"

She laughed a little at his unintentional joke, and shook her head. "Ironically, no. But somehow I don't see southern Illinois as the land of Oz."

"You should come see me," he said.

"You're God knows where, Dean. I'm on my way to Gotham, unless that's your latest stop."

"Actually, I'm in Louisville. You could be here in a few hours, and it's basically on your way."

It was tempting. _He_ was tempting, but temptations and complications weren't anything she needed in her life at the moment.

"Dean…"

"Come on. You sound like you could use a friend, and you've been there for me several times already. Just stop by, we'll talk. Hell, I'll buy you a drink if you want it."

She smiled at his insistence, glad that he couldn't see.

"Do you have anywhere to be?" he prodded.

"Not for a couple of days," she said with a sigh.

"Then you got nothing to lose," he said.

_Not when I've lost it all already_, she thought. "Okay," she said. "Where are you staying?"

He gave her the information about his hotel accommodations, and managed to slip in that Sam was in an entirely different city for a couple of days. Something about research and not having to deal with annoying little brothers.

She had no idea just what he was up to, but she was starting to think she could use that drink.

"I'll be there in a few hours," she said.

"I'll be waiting," he said just before she heard the click of disconnection.

She sighed as she stood looking out across the parking lot, before she finally regained her senses and headed into the diner to grab a sandwich and a cup of coffee.

It was dusk when she saw the Louisville city limit sign, and took the exit that would lead her to Dean's hotel. She figured he must be finding ways to make better money these days, because while a Holiday Inn wasn't exactly the Ritz, it wasn't the typical dump in which she was used to seeing him.

She checked the room number she had written down on a scrap of paper, took a deep breath, and knocked on his door. He opened it within seconds, and her nerves melted away at his smile.

"Movin' on up?" she quipped.

"To the east side," he said, pulling the door open wider and stepping aside to let her in.

"Not exactly a deluxe apartment…"

"Yeah, yeah," he cut her off, laughing.

"How've you been, Dean?" she said, taking in the small space filled with a queen sized bed, a table, and chairs.

"Not bad, actually. How about you? You dodged my questions about leaving Kansas on the phone."

She shrugged, still not sure if she was ready to talk about it without losing her mind.

"Have a seat, Chloe. Pull up a bed or a chair, it doesn't matter to me," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and brushing past her.

It briefly crossed her mind that the neck rubbing thing was a habit of his, but she got past the distraction and chose the deep green armchair near the table. She slipped off her flats, and drew her feet up underneath her. It was nice to have an uninvolved party to talk to about everything she was dealing with, but at the same time she couldn't quite figure out why he cared.

She couldn't help herself. "Dean, why did you call?"

He had taken a seat on the edge of the bed opposite her, and he looked her right in the eye. "I told you. You disappeared and I got worried."

"But why -"

"I thought we were friends," he said. "I called you, and it looks like it was at the right time. Anymore questions?"

Chloe focused on an imaginary spot on her jeans, and shook her head. She swallowed hard as she looked back up at him, and said, "We are. Friends, I mean. I'm just so used to you calling me for help, and… Never mind."

"Hey, I get it. I've just been thinking about you lately is all."

She thought that sounded like something it must not have been, because he didn't seem flustered at all as he said it. Then again, Dean wasn't exactly the type to get flustered.

"Now can you spill? You're driving me nuts here."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, which only got her a stern glare, so she took a deep breath and started in. She told him about Lois, the paper, Clark, and how she had started to feel like she was going nowhere and would continue to do so if she didn't change her life.

"You let her win?" was all he could say when she was done.

Her jaw dropped. "I didn't _let_ her do anything. She's my blood relative and she screwed me over. It's not like I let her get away with it. She was actually reprimanded by that rag she works for when they found out what she was doing, yet _my_ credibility was shot. Does that make any sense to you?"

"No. But you made your decision, and the Planet's going to be sorry, sooner rather than later," he said with a knowing look.

"I wish I believed that," she said, shifting so that she could draw her knees up to her chest. "I wish I believed… anything right now."

"Do you believe Clark Kent's crazy?" he asked.

She laughed and cocked her head at him. "That's been a subject of debate for many years," she said.

"He let you go," Dean said, and she could see an odd shift in his eyes.

"He won't regret it," she assured him. "He never has."

"Trust me, Chloe. If the guy ever pulls his head out of his ass, he'll regret it."

She put a hand over her mouth to try to hide her laughter, but it didn't work. "I think we better have you checked for crazy while we're at it."

"People have tried. You need anything? Drink? Dinner?"

She decided to take a chance. What was one more? "Are you asking me out, Winchester?" she said, feeling her old grin slide back into place.

"What if I am?"

"I'd say you have the best and the most rotten timing in the world," she said with a laugh.

He chuckled. "That makes about as much sense as anything these days."

"I couldn't agree more. Dinner would be good."

"You don't have anywhere else to be?"

"Not until I want to be, and right now…" She smiled up at him. "This is where I want to be. Thank you for calling, Dean. I was so upset when I left, I was afraid I was going to end up having a massive car accident, which would have been the crap icing on the crappy cake that's been this week."

"No cake at dinner, got it," he joked, standing up and grabbing his coat from the end of the bed.

"Shut up," she said, but she was laughing.

"Why don't you make me?"

Without thinking, she rose to her feet, stood on her tiptoes, and planted a kiss directly on his lips. It was impulsive, it might have been stupid, but for once she wanted to do what she felt without worrying about whether or not she would regret it later.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her hard against him, and any thoughts about regrets flew out the window.

Chloe melted into him, sliding her arms up to wrap them around his neck, feeling his fingers slide down her sides to dig lightly into her hips. This wasn't anything she had planned, but she wasn't complaining at all.

Now she knew what those full lips of his were made for, and she moaned a little as he deepened the kiss. She had started this, but it seemed that he intended to finish it.

When she could no longer breathe, he let her go, and as she opened her eyes she was greeted by the smug look on his face.

"I've been waiting months for that. I just didn't think you'd make the first move."

"I - Oh my God." She never really got muddled around guys anymore, but Dean Winchester wasn't just any guy. She felt flushed and knew she must look it, and she sat back down on the chair, leaning over and running her hands through her hair. Her life might as well explode around her, because she had no clue which way was up anymore.

Dean sat down on the bed opposite her, and took her hands in his. "Are you okay?"

She let out a strangled laugh and shook her head. "I honestly don't know the answer to that question right now." She knew she was slightly teary, but that was one reactionary trait of which she had never been able to rid herself.

The cocky Dean she thought she knew had been replaced with concerned Dean again.

"I'm not going to cry," she assured him, knowing he wasn't one for the mushy stuff.

"You're going to have to do a better job of convincing me than that," he said, pulling a Kleenex from the box on the table and handing it to her. He gently let go of her other hand as she tried to gather herself back up.

"This was my fault, I practically jumped you," she said, rolling her eyes, then dabbing at them with the tissue.

"Don't apologize."

"Dean."

"I was serious," he said, holding his hands up. "I wouldn't take advantage of you, but I've been thinking about kissing you since the day you brushed past me outside the Planet building like I wasn't even there."

She laughed. "I'm sorry. I turned my hot guy radar off as soon as I realized they had turned off their Chloe radar."

"You vastly underestimate yourself."

"So I'm told."

"Did he really do that much damage to you, Chloe?"

She frowned. "Who?"

"Kent."

"Can we not get into that? He didn't do anything to me. Which, yes, was the problem, but my self-esteem hardly rests on the shoulders of a clueless farm boy from Kansas. That would be stupid."

"Are you over him?" he asked, looking directly into her eyes.

She sighed, but didn't flinch. "I have been. At least, as over him as I'm ever going to be. It doesn't really affect my life one way or the other anymore. I just kissed you, didn't I?"

"Indisputably," he said, cracking a half smile.

"How much more proof do you need? And don't answer that," she said with a warning tone.

"I might require more, but I'm a proof kinda guy," he said, that mischievous gleam in his eyes that both scared and intrigued her. "Come over here," he said, jerking his head toward the bed.

She swallowed hard, knowing that was a dangerous first step from which she probably couldn't come back.

"Chloe, come on. I don't bite. Hard," he teased with a wink.

Trying not to smile, she got up and he took her hand as she sat on the bed next to him. He put an arm around her and pulled her close, and she let herself rest her head on his chest. He was rock solid, warm, and she closed her eyes, breathing him in. It felt so good to connect with someone this way that she wasn't sure she would ever be able to make herself get up and leave.

She wasn't sure she wanted to.

There were a million reasons they could never work, and she could list them all day long. But she didn't care about a single one of them as she slid one arm around his back and the other around his stomach, holding on as tightly as she could. She closed her eyes, her face buried in his t-shirt, as she felt him wrap his other arm around her, and it was all she could do to keep from crying again.

Her head was tucked beneath his chin, and she could feel the faint movement as he spoke.

"Are you all right?" he asked again.

"I'm going to be," she responded faintly. "I'm just so tired, Dean."

"Stay here tonight," he said.

She sighed against him. "I can't do that."

"No expectations. I'll sleep on the floor. Whatever you want, just stay."

Chloe loosened her grip, twisting slightly to look up at him. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Possibly," he said with a shrug.

"Look, I - I appreciate the support, that you care, because God knows I wonder sometimes if anyone else does, but… We can't - we're not…" She bit her lip, hardly able to deny herself what he was offering. She wanted it, she wanted _him_ , but she was gun shy and lost, and she didn't know what to do anymore.

His eyes were focused on her lower lip between her teeth, and, suddenly self-conscious, she released it. Her discomfort was short-lived as he closed the small space to kiss her again. She turned slightly, and with one arm behind her back already, he moved the other under her legs, drawing her into his lap.

She was going to die; she knew it. Her body was on sensory overload, and she was exactly two seconds from doing something that she would definitely regret later, no matter what she told herself now.

To her surprise, he took it slowly, never pushing her any further than she wanted to go. His kisses, his long fingers exploring her back, drove every unpleasant thought that had been causing her sleepless nights from her head.

Finally, she pulled back and tried desperately to catch the breath he had stolen from her. He looked at her, his usually hazel eyes a deep green, and she almost couldn't speak. Almost.

"I can't do this," she said, frowning as she waited for his reaction. "I mean, it's not that I don't want to, Dean. But I'm in a really emotionally messed up place right now, and I don't want to hurt you. I know too much about what that's like."

He shook his head. "It's not me I'm worried about."

She shook her head and scooted off his lap. She sighed involuntarily; it would have been nice to be able to stay there.

Dean brushed her hair back from her face, and she smiled up at him. "I'm afraid I'm not very good company today."

He laughed. "I wouldn't say that, you seem like pretty good company to me."

She rolled her eyes at his insinuation.

"Then again, once you spend a few years road tripping it all over the damn country with your little brother, everyone who's not him is good company."

"Gee, thanks. I'm just the annoying little brother alternative."

"Ever have a little brother?"

"No."

"Then don't knock it."

She laughed.

"You can still stay here, you know."

"This is the most patient and sensitive Dean Winchester I've ever seen…" She cocked her head and looked at him closely, squinting her eyes. "Are you sure that's really you?" she teased.

He grabbed her around the waist and kissed her hard. When he leaned back, he had a cocky grin plastered on his face.

"Okay, really you," she said, shoving him playfully and standing up before she changed her mind about what she would and wouldn't do with him.

"You still want dinner?" he asked.

"I'm not all that hungry, to be honest. You?"

"I'm always starving, sweetheart." That earned him an exasperated grin and her hands on her hips. "But I can order a pizza if you don't want to go out."

"That sounds fine. You don't starve, and I don't have to get back in a car for awhile. I'm gonna use your bathroom to freshen up a bit, if you don't mind."

"Be my guest," he said.

She splashed cool water on her face, and tried not to look too hard in the mirror. Her life seemed to be set on the worst timer in the world. Just when it was falling apart, a kind and noble (not to mention gorgeous) man, who saved the lives of other's with no regard for being paid back for his actions, wanted her. She wanted him back, but she had plans; things she had to do, places she had to be. She couldn't drop it all to wait for him, or go along on his crazy missions. Could she?

_Of course not_, she thought. _The sleep deprivation is getting to you._

Drying her face, she decided that going any further could wait until morning. She would stay for the night, as there wasn't any point in finding another hotel or another room when there was a bed waiting right here for her. They were both adults. They could deal with it. At least, she hoped they could.

She re-entered the room to find Dean propped up on the bed, flipping through the TV channels. She flopped on the opposite side, stretching out and bickering with him about his viewing choices. It seemed lame, but it was the most fun she had had in awhile.

The evening passed pleasantly as they talked over pizza and watched more horrible television. She got the feeling that Dean didn't often share a hotel room with a girl in this way, but he was being a perfect gentleman all the same.

She didn't know how long that would last when she emerged from the bathroom later that evening, dressed in her purple tank and pajama pants. She had her misgivings about the sleepwear, but she had packed in such a hurry that there was nary a t-shirt in her overnight bag and she didn't dare try to dig through the contents of her car for her large suitcase.

He was trying not to look, she gave him that much credit. But she was damaging her own credit by just barely refraining from thinking about the muscles she could see outlined by his white t-shirt. She swallowed hard and wondered if there was any feasible way that she could curl up in the armchair and get any rest.

She doubted it, almost as much as she doubted she would ever get any rest lying next to him.

_Might as well get this over with_, she thought as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She raised the covers and slipped under them, seeing him watching her out of the corner of her eye. Her head hit the pillow and she resisted the urge to squeeze her eyes shut and imagine he wasn't there.

"Maybe I should get another room," she said, hoping to God she wasn't blushing.

"Only if you want to share it with a doctor," he said.

"Huh?"

"There's a medical convention in town."

"Great," she said. "At least that explains why you and Sam are sharing a bed."

Dean burst out laughing. "No, we're not. I got this room because a doctor cancelled at the last minute, and Sam's been in a little town just over the Indiana border checking out a lead ever since."

"Why didn't you go with him?" she asked.

"I found out you were close," he said with a shrug. "I made him rent a car," he chuckled.

She turned over on her side to fully look at him. "Why have you gone to all this trouble for me, Dean?" She had been wondering it all night, and her curiosity couldn't take it anymore.

"I can never resist a damsel in distress, ask Sam."

"Dean."

"I like you. Over the last few months I think it may be turning into more than like, and trust me when I say that's unusual for me. I don't get attached anymore, and I don't talk about my feelings. The fact that you have managed to wreck both of these truths about Dean Winchester is a pretty good sign that you're either something special or a witch with some awesome mojo going on."

She smiled.

"Besides, you're gorgeous, smart, sexy… you could put the whammy on anyone you wanted."

"Not true," she protested.

"On any guy with half a brain, trust me."

She did trust him, and that was probably going to be her greatest downfall. She had thought she had always lived on the edge, but that had been before she met him.

Dean slid down, pulled the chain on the bedside lamp, and turned on his side, facing her. They were bathed in the light from the TV, and she could easily trace the curves of his face and lips, the sweep of his eyelashes, with her eyes.

"Let me make this easy for you, Chloe," he said, reaching out and pulling her to him.

She went into his arms without a fight, laying her head on his chest, feeling the warmth of his body seep in through the thin cotton of her clothes. She relaxed against him as he traced small circles on her back, and she sighed deeply. The contact made all the difference, and she rested her arm across his waist, holding on for dear life. He was becoming her equilibrium in an increasingly shaky world, and she had no idea if she would be able to get up in the morning and leave this haven he had created for her.

It would be so incredibly easy to fall for him, if she wasn't already. But his life was unstable, it was dangerous, and she didn't know if she could deal with that kind of guy again, no matter how wonderful he was. This night, these moments, couldn't last forever and she knew they both knew it.

For now it was enough to be held in his arms with no pressures and no expectations. His even breathing beneath her cheek, the feel of him all around her, would have to be enough to sustain her through countless lonely nights to come.

She didn't want to think about what it would cost her to walk away again. She had wanted to think that after all the pain of the last few months she had nothing left to lose, but her heart was something she couldn't live without.

It would be a mistake to give it to him knowing the consequences would break her, but he would understand. She figured he had been in the same position too many times to count. She would walk away with the knowledge that there was someone out there who saw her for who she really was.

She drifted off to sleep knowing that this meeting would not be their last. He would find her again, and that would have to be enough for now.

Finis


End file.
